SmileyWilys

Scotty's Ears

2011-05-21T13:06:00.003-06:00

Right after the new year, Scotty had his first surgery! Very minor . . . he needed tubes. During Scotty's first two years of life, he was super fussy. A mother's intuition finally figured it out. He must have been having ear infections! He never had fevers or any other symptoms. The tests also showed that he couldn't hear out of one ear because of the fluid build-up which could be a contributing factor to his delayed speech.

Since, I'm posting this over 5 months since his surgery, I can tell you that this procedure absolutely changed my boy! He is the happiest little toddler I've ever seen and boy, does he talk now! His vocabulary is better than most his age.

We love our little Scotty and wish mommy would have figured this out a little sooner.

Love/Hate

2011-05-21T13:02:00.002-06:00

It's been over 5 months since I've posted. I sometimes wonder why I'm continuing to blog at all. But then i look over the pictures of my children I've accumulated during that time and realize the important need to document what we've been doing. So I will slowly be catching up . . . again.

Christmas

2010-12-29T10:38:00.002-07:00

Christmas was so amazing this year! Violet was so excited about it. We did a family night about Jesus' Birth and Violet wanted to rock the Baby Jesus for days afterward. I bought way too many presents for the kids, but of course, they were so excited about each and every present.

We spent a lot of time with family and there was just a real spirit about Christmas this year. We didn't get very many pictures, it's mainly all video. But I still wanted to document this special time for us.

In the Snow

2010-12-28T22:08:00.004-07:00

I was so worried that Scotty would HATE his snowsuit. Scotty really likes to be comfortable. But he didn't mind it at all. The snow itself on the other hand:

I couldn't get enough of him in this snowsuit. It made him twice as big, but he managed to keep on the move anyway. He just stayed on the driveway, out of the snow, and he had a great time. Violet dove right in. She wanted to eat the snow and throw snowballs.

Scotty's reaction to the snow reminded me of this picture taken 3 years ago:

I LOVE these babies.

Our Christmas Card 2010

2010-12-28T21:42:00.004-07:00

I was able to actually get a Christmas card out this year. It's a true miracle when that happens.

These past few months I had a wonderful experience reading the Book of Mormon again and I felt so impressed to include a message with the card. It essentially expressed that life is so good, even when its not. This past year has been challenging in many ways, but life is still good. Family is essential and makes our lives so meaningful. Even when life gets hard, it is still beautiful in so many ways.

Merry Christmas to all of our friends and family.

Violet BELIEVES . . .

2010-12-28T21:38:00.002-07:00

in Santa, of course. I have loved every minute of Christmas this year with Violet. It is so fun when there is a real element of magic in Christmas, and this year I've seen it all over her face.

Violet's 4th Birthday!

2010-12-28T21:16:00.009-07:00

Violet is so good natured and sweet. I love her little voice and the way she sings and dances. She gives me loves and hugs and kisses freely. She is my best friend. She's also bossy and opinionated and stubborn. In some ways, I feel like Violet should be older because it feels like she's been telling me what to do for longer than 4 years. When I had Violet, my life changed forever and I'm so grateful for that. I love her more than words can even say.

Violet is very into the Cat in the Hat right now and I thankfully talked her out of having another Mickey party, which is originally what she wanted. This is the invite:

We decided to have her party at a play center this year and it was a success! It was so much easier to do, plus free clean-up! This chair helped her feel even more special:

The cake:

I don't know why I have such an obsession with dressing up my kids . . . but I couldn't resist them being Thing 1 and Thing 2. They were darling. I even had extra hats for everyone at the party. This is the best shot we could get of our little things together.

Thing 2 loved Violet's party almost as much as Violet. He ran around until he couldn't move anymore. His energy astounds me.

Violet could not have had more fun and it seems everyone agreed. Thanks to all of our friends for coming and helping us celebrate Violet.

The Oasis of the Seas

2010-12-28T15:10:00.014-07:00

If you have a chance to take a cruise on this ship, do it! It is unbelievable. It's huge and packed full of stuff to do. The food is also the best I've had on a cruise ship. We had a F-U-N trip.

This ship had awesome shows and we had one to see almost every day. It had so many pools and there were always loungers available. It had a carousel . . .

It had an area they call Central Park that was a garden growing in the middle of the ship! There was a little restaurant there that served the best roast beef sandwiches I've ever had. We ate there a lot.

Free Donuts (my favorite).

We did a zipline excursion and laid on a private beach in Haiti . . .

We got soaking wet in the Cozumel rain (which was SO worth it), we had the best authentic mexican food there!

One of our favorite things was the flowrider, a simulated surfing machine. Zach was a natural. I was pretty good too, but I don't want to show you a picture of it in an effort to only show my flattering self . . .

The reason we chose to go on this cruise is because Zach's best friend was the professional comedian on the ship this week. We got to hang with him the whole time and he is the best. He is of course, funny, but mainly just an easy travel companion. It was so fun to have him with us. It was also nice having someone there as our personal photographer. I suggest everybody hire him to travel with them. Ryan Hamilton, you are the best!

We truly had an amazing time. We watched a few movies and took plenty of naps in this fabulous room.

I sure did miss my kids though. Seven days was too long. On day 6 and 7, I was dying to see them. I am so grateful to my moms and dads for watching the kiddos. Violet missed us I think and Scotty terrorized their houses. I'm sure caring for the babies was a tough job. Thank you guys so much for being there for us.

Finally, I just LOVE these shots.

Our 5th Anniversary

2010-12-28T14:56:00.004-07:00

5 years with this guy has flown by. Being with Zach is as easy as breathing and I'm grateful for him EVERY day! Oh how I love my other half!

Zach took me on a cruise for our anniversary. It was wonderful! More pictures to come.

The gifts:

I love love love sharing this boy's initial . . .

This is some fake bling that Zach bought me at the airport in Atlanta. I was really upset that I forgot my real ring at home. I'm excited to have this fake little ring to travel with, because if I lose it, no big deal.
I LOVE YOU ZACH!

New Family Pictures

2010-12-28T14:37:00.006-07:00

Getting these pictures was a breeze. Seriously. We got lucky that day. Violet was a little model and Scotty held still for a couple seconds at a time!

Violet: The Budding Artist

2010-12-28T14:33:00.002-07:00

Violet's latest drawing. I'm so proud. I outlined the giraffe and she colored the rest. She asked why giraffe's necks are so long and I told her it was so they can eat leaves from the top of trees. So she drew a tree.

Violet's First Field Trip

2010-12-28T14:28:00.005-07:00

Add fire to the list of things Violet is now afraid of. One day she came home from school telling me all about her worries. They learned about fire safety because the next week they would be going to the fire station. I went on the field trip and brought Scotty along. It was a good thing I did, because Violet was afraid of everything there. She thought that there would be real "fire" at the fire station. Poor girl. She didn't have a very good time, but Scotty LOVED it.

Scotty Will Mess You Up

2010-12-09T14:08:00.003-07:00

My husband loves this face I caught of Scotty. It's not a face he usually makes, so I must have just caught him in that split second. Here is the face 1 second later:

Bye Bye Halloween

2010-12-09T13:57:00.003-07:00

Stay away for awhile.

Halloween-the real thing

2010-12-09T13:52:00.006-07:00

Of course it was wet and rainy and windy (Violet is terrified of wind).

And of course, Violet randomly fell asleep on the floor about 30 minutes before TorT time .

After she woke up a little she decided that this was the umbrella she wanted to use.
The result: She braved the wind and cold for about 2 minutes. How depressing. So I left my duty of candy-giver-outer and made daddy drive us around for about 5 minutes. We went to her primary teachers house and her babysitters' houses. I was happy she had at least a small bag of candy and a few minutes of positive experience.

We didn't even dress Scotty up.

Halloween #3- At the Wilys

2010-12-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

This was certainly the highlight of the Halloween festivities. Violet & Scott love to play with their cousins!

So when I was getting into the Halloween box, Violet saw the HORSE. Grandma bought us that after last Halloween. So she decided she wanted to be a horse. I explained that she could be a cowgirl, but she said she wanted to be the horse. I decided I would let her, since the only thing I had to buy was a handkerchief! She looked darling.

She decided to name her horse Foxy. She said "Giddyup Pardners" about a million times and after I told her that cowgirls loved chili, she decided that she loved chili too.

Halloween #2- School Party

2010-12-09T13:47:00.001-07:00

Halloween #1

2010-12-09T13:33:00.005-07:00

Violet has wanted to be Mickey Mouse for Halloween since last year. So I made her costume in an attempt to girly it up a bit. She got to wear it at Haley's awesome and amazing yearly kids Halloween party.I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the dinosaur costume, so I dressed Scotty as a panda (the old stand-by :)) This costume he liked.

The best pic I could get with the both of them together:

Preparing for Halloween

2010-12-09T13:27:00.002-07:00

This is Scotty when he met his dinosaur costume for the first time. . .

Violet liked it though.

Halloween!

2010-12-09T13:25:00.003-07:00

I spent too much time anticipating Halloween this year. I used to hate halloween as a kid, but I think it's fun to dress-up my kids. Thinking about it too much just creates disappointment in the end. Next year I'm going to wait until the week before.

Violet and Emma

2010-12-09T13:12:00.006-07:00

First only cousins, but now BFFE! Starting Fall Semester, I've been watching my niece Emma every Friday. It has been wonderful for my family. Violet and Emma have been getting along so well lately (it took awhile to get there though). Violet has been learning her days of the week so she can keep track of when Friday comes. It is BY FAR her favorite day of the week. Here are the highlights:This is where we do our toenail painting . . .

Emma loves Ramen more than anything. She usually eats both hers and Violets.

Gymcats:

Violet's 2nd Day of School

2010-12-09T12:30:00.003-07:00

I love her skinny jeans! She came home from the first day of school and asked for a Mickey backpack. Her exact words were "Mom, I sure wish I had a Mickey backpack." I obliged. She saw a little boy at school that had one . . . It starts so soon. I'm sure by kindergarten she'll need all the brand names! he he

She's really enjoying getting her picture taken here. She's dancing actually, I hope you can tell.

Violet's First Day of School

2010-12-09T12:24:00.003-07:00

Violet is doing preschool this year on Tuesday and Thursday. She's already been going for a few months now so I can happily report that she loves her teacher Miss Amber. This year school is so much more fun for me because after each day she tells me all about everything she's learning and about her friends there. Last year it was hard for her to remember and tell me.

Everyday she starts out by tracing letters and cutting. She's getting so much better at it. She is a great colorer now too and is very concerned that everything be the "right" color. I'm trying to encourage her to color things whatever she wants and to be creative, but dangit--she knows that clouds are white and the sky is blue and that's the way it's gonna be.

I've got a lot of catching up to do

2010-12-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

SCOTT (18 months)

2010-09-17T14:18:00.003-06:00

I am completely in LOVE with this little boy. I know my blog is pretty heavy on the Violet pictures, but that's just because it's easier to get her to stop for a minute. Scotty won't stop for a single second ---unless the TV is on, this kid is the best TV watcher ever.

Scotty still doesn't talk and I'm starting to really, really want him to. He says "Uh, Oh" sometimes and he babbles all day long, but no words. He grunts and makes all sorts of monstrous noises though, he definitely has his own soundtrack. The lack of words unfortunately, means he's a bit of a whiner/crier. And "a bit" is an understatement. He has a somewhat difficult temperament, but he also has a beautiful personality.

I love:

*when he laughs, the best sound ever. My favorite is when Violet and I are laughing and he runs up and starts laughing as if he's a part of things!

*when he walks backward and plops himself into my lap (at least ten times a day).

*the way he splashes in the bathtub, I just expect to get soaked now.

*he still gives me big wet kisses.

*how he sometimes spontaneously starts doing somersaults on the floor.

*how he likes to have a binky in his mouth and one in his hand, he spends all day alternating.

*that all of a sudden after 18 months of life, he sometimes insists on being rocked.

*what a good sleeper he is.

*how he follows around Violet all day, and looks for her while she is gone to school.

*how he still lets me squeeze, and tickle, and kiss him all day long.

Oh Scotty-Man, if you only knew how obsessed I am with you! I love you more than I ever imagined and you fit in so well in our family. I can't wait to hear your little voice say "Mama" and I can't wait to have conversations with you about cars and dinosaurs and other silly things.

Casual Family Pics

2010-09-16T23:19:00.004-06:00

We had a very last minute barbecue this summer and took a few pictures on our back deck. I just love the way they turned out. They really sort of represent the way we really truly are. There's something about being on a porch swing that makes me look and feel relaxed. The kids are even in their jammies.

Oh, how I love this graying man of mine. I seriously wish his hair would turn grayer faster! He is so very handsome and is only getting finer with age!!!
Now, this little man can feel free to stay younger longer if he pleases!

That is the sweetest face I've ever seen.

The Summer When Mommy Took Awful Pictures - 2010

2010-09-16T22:30:00.012-06:00

I can't believe it's been exactly 3 months since my last post! I am no good at this blogging thing. There is one thing that I am worse at however, and that is being a mommy photographer. I want to record all of the fun things we did this summer here on my blog, but all I have are a few pictures I took on my phone. It's awful.

Some of the fun things we did this summer:

*Long weekend in St. George with the Kane's . . . Zach couldn't come, but Violet still talks about going back to the pool and condo. I even took the kids to Zions.

*Strawberry Days Carnival.

*We had a great Fourth of July weekend.

*Camping Overnight at Blackhawk Campground . . . So fun except Scotty threw up several times in the night, poor guy.

*Lehi Family Fun Day

*Bear Lake with the Wilys . . . Amazing. (We miss the Arnolds!)

*Lots of Barbecues.

*We had an amazing birthday party for Zach (34!) complete with a Mickey Bounce House.

*Thanksgiving Point Petting Zoo

*LAGOON!

*Seven Peaks

*Feeding the Ducks

*Splash Pad in Highland, definitely Scotty's favorite spot.

*Violet had her first dance class, didn't last long. We'll try again in a few months!

*Violet celebrated being really, truly, potty-trained at Jump On It!

*Scotty no longer has "the puppy."

*Violet learned how to go cross-eyed and now does it regularly. She thinks it's so funny.
*She's still our Mickey Mouse Girl.

There is nothing better in this world than being a mom. I go from overwhelming pride and joy and LOVE to wanting to rip out my own eyeballs in a matter of minutes. It is definitely a unique "job." I've been an awful photographer this summer, but I've been a good mommy and it feels so good to look at my kids and feel that I may be just the least bit responsible for the smile on their faces.

I'm sure other moms feel the same way as I do. So many times in a day, week, or month, I think this is such a special moment that there is no way I could ever possibly forget it . . . and then in a couple of days, weeks, or months, I inevitably do forget all about it. I love being the witness of my children's lives, but I'm already forgetting so much and they're still so young. Anyway, I want to do better at recording these special things. Not so much what we did, but more about what we learned. Thanks for reading this . . .

Funny

2010-06-16T15:32:00.001-06:00

DisneyLand

2010-06-16T08:58:00.009-06:00

We decided that Disneyland was just the thing our family needed this month, so we took a last minute trip. Zach's parents came with us. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Bob and Pam. This trip might have been disastrous had you not been there to help us. They are delightful travel companions and we had a great time together.

Violet was so excited to go to Disneyland. A couple of days before we left, Zach showed her some video of Disneyland on the computer and she got really excited. Violet LOVED the carnivals last year and she is obsessed with Mickey Mouse and all of her "friends." We thought it would be a hit.

I should have done a little bit of research before I left about taking small children to Disneyland because when we got there I did everything WRONG! We got the kids in the strollers and started walking. Violet was loving it. We went straight to Fantasyland and saw there was no line on a few rides, so we parked the strollers and took the kids on "Snow White's Scary Adventure." What was I thinking? Pure Terror in the eyes of my toddlers. So we calmed Violet down and assured her that the other rides were not scary, then took her on "Pinocchio's Daring Adventure." Strike Two. At that point, Violet decided that she would no longer go on any indoor rides! Screaming and crying is what followed. We did the carousel and teacups and things were looking up. We showed her the little boats for "It's a small world" and she wanted to get on them. As soon as the boats went indoors, she screamed and cried . . . the entire ride. The ride is about 15 minutes long.

At this point, I kind of felt like a horrible mom and I had lost all of Violet's trust because I kept assuring her that Disneyland was not a scary place. We ventured into Toon Town and Violet loved it in there. We met Minnie Mouse and saw Goofy and walked straight through Mickey's house and met Mickey. That of course, was a hit.

I love Scotty's face in this one.

Violet saw the train that goes around Disneyland and wanted to ride it, so we parked our strollers and got on. Everything was fine until we entered the tunnel after TomorrowLand. It got dark and there's a dinosaur display in there. Violet cried. And that was pretty much day 1.

The next morning we went to Minnie's Breakfast. Violet had a little autograph book and she loved it as the characters came up and visited us at our table. Unfortunately, Scotty did not appreciate the characters up close and personal visits as he screamed anytime any one of them approached us. If it's not one kid, it's the other. Though I must admit, that Rafiki from Lion King is a scary looking fellow.

Pluto is Violet's 2nd favorite after Mickey. When she walked up to him she pet him on the nose. It was so cute.

We decided to take a different approach on Day 2 and think of things we normally wouldn't do. We went into California Adventure to take the kids to the Aladdin show. My kids watch Aladdin ALL the time so I was confident this would be great. We waited in line for an hour. Once we got to our seats the kids were happy and it was air-conditioned. Things looked good. Then the lights went down, the curtains went up and panic ensued. Both of my kids started to cry. What was happening? This was the low point.

We went to the parade that evening and Violet loved it, Scotty hated it.

Thankfully, things only got better from then. The entire trip was redeemed because Violet loved Mickey's ferris wheel. We rode it 3 times. Scotty did not love it, but got used to it by the end. What a good little brother! On day 3 we ventured to find all of the rides that take place entirely outdoors and it was a success. The little rocket ride, autopia, flying elephants were great. Violet started to be really happy. We went into California Adventure and rode Mickey's Ferris Wheel a couple more times and went into Bug's Land and rode every little ride in the place. Then we watched the Pixar parade and Violet LOVED it, especially Mater and Lightning McQueen. By this time, Scotty just wanted out of the dang stroller, and he let us know it. Day 3 was a success.

Violet is pointing to her very most favorite ride (probably my very least favorite.)

On the evening of day two, I got on my phone and did a google search about taking small children to Disneyland and the first link I clicked on said that we should avoid all the rides that I mentioned we took Violet on first. It even said that you should consider deboarding the train at TomorrowLand and getting back on again at Main Street to avoid the tunnel with the dinosaurs! I had made every possible mistake that could be made when taking small children to Disneyland! The article I read insists that if you start out in Bug's Land and work your way up to the flying elephants and such that by Day 3 your child will be ready to ride the Matterhorn. I think that probably would have happened with Violet if I had just taken ten minutes to do a little bit of research. Well, live and learn.

It's a really hard thing to be in Disneyland and have your child crying and saying "I want to go home" all the time. But now that we're home, Violet keeps telling us that she wants to go back to Disneyland. I guess that means it was a success.

Tuscany

2010-05-30T10:53:00.003-06:00

I really wanted to see this:

and this:

But I'm counting my many blessings because I got to see this:

Venice

2010-05-13T16:37:00.004-06:00

Venice looked fake. Amazingly fake. As we walked around all day, I kept remarking that it looked just like a movie set. I honestly couldn't get over it. It was gorgeous. I don't think I've been to a more unique city. Whoever decided to build it on the water like that??

Entrance to our Hotel . . . so cute.

My man sampling the gelato

The Gondolas at St. Marks Square

Everywhere in Venice looked just like this . . . amazing.

How I Love This Man!

2010-05-07T09:48:00.004-06:00

On our way too expensive Gondola Ride in Venice.

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I would offer you a warm embrace,

To Make You Feel My Love.

When evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is noone to dry your tears,

I would hold you for a million years,

To Make You Feel My Love.

Zach sang me this song at our wedding and he proves these lyrics everyday. He is the most supportive, patient, loving husband anybody could ask for. I express my gratitude to Heavenly Father for him EVERYDAY. He makes my life fun, he takes care of me, he shows me the way through it all.

When life gives you lemons . . .

2010-05-07T09:18:00.005-06:00

disappointed: depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes or expectations.

the lemons trees at our Tuscan Villa

I should be grateful that I didn't anticipate having any problems on our trip to Italy. Before leaving, I was excited and a bit nervous, and I never anticipated I would react to being 6000 miles away from home with such desperate panic. After 3 days of consistent panic attacks with no end in sight and no means of alleviating the pain, we had to come home.

We saw Venice and spent a day in Tuscany and then we boarded the 14 hours of flights home. I feel relief to be home again, with my children. But of course, I feel disappointed.

I'm trying to make lemonade out of this experience and all I can think of are the things I'm grateful for.
My children. They didn't forget us during those 4 days.
My parents. For being the witnesses of my life and for helping me through the past 27 years.
My Husband . . . oh my Husband.
Family, Friends, everyone who loves me and supports me.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for teaching me what I apparently must learn to grow but also providing safe harbor.

Easter 2009 vs. 2010

2010-04-06T09:41:00.004-06:00

I guess Easter and bubbles go hand in hand. Last year Grandma gave the kiddos easter jammies, but this year she got them swimsuits. I wanted to dig out the picture of Violet and Emma last year to compare how much they've changed in a year and found that they were playing with bubbles then too.

Emma and Violet in Easter Jammies: 2009

Emma and Violet in Easter Swimsuits: 2010

Bubbles in 2009:

Bubbles in 2010

That last picture is a bit confusing because Violet is wearing last year's jammies. Yes, she still fits in them. She wore them almost every night this week in honor of Easter. Thanks Grandma for the cute jammies and the very cute swimsuit too.

Easter: The Main Event

2010-04-06T09:23:00.006-06:00

I just loved this Easter week this year. It was so fun to talk to Violet about what it all means and watch her really enjoy it all. On Saturday we celebrated with the cousins (though we missed the Arnold's terribly!). Violet and Emma played so well together and we had a great time at the Wilys. I borrowed some of these shots from my sis-in-law.

Violet likes the egg hunt, but she has no concern at all about the quantity of eggs. She walks casually from one egg to the next and is quite happy with just a few eggs. I suspect in the next couple of years that will change.

Daddy helping Scotty. Scotty just wanted to eat the Fruit Loops he stole from his cousin Emma. Sorry Emma, but they sure made him happy the entire evening!

Violet and Emma are the cutest little cousins ever.

Easter Warm-Ups

2010-03-31T09:30:00.004-06:00

I love Easter! It's just almost equal to Christmas in my mind. I love the beginning of Spring and what the holiday means. I especially love having children to only further my enjoyment of the holiday. On Monday, Haley had the first of three easter egg hunts for Violet. It was so fun! And Violet loves playing with her friends.

Scott with my beautiful friend, Angela

Scotty and Kruz

Then on Tuesday night we colored Easter Eggs. We had a little Family Night Easter lesson and Violet told us all about Jesus' nailprints in his hands and how his friends were all very sad when he died. But he came out of the tomb and the angel said "He is not here, for He is Risen." Seriously, Violet has the best Sunbeams teachers ever! She knew all of the answers and I've never really talked to her before about the Resurrection. We then had fun dyeing the eggs.

Scotty the Musician

2010-03-31T09:21:00.003-06:00

One of Scotty's favorite toys is daddy's guitar. This morning as he was playing it (he picks at the strings and strums a bit) he pulled it down onto himself. Note: this isn't the first time he's done that. He's never hurt himself with it before and he keeps going back no matter how many times he falls. Anyway, he pulled it onto himself and now has the fret marks on his forehead. . .

Found on Zach's Phone

2010-03-28T10:36:00.002-06:00

This is Scott right before bedtime! I can't stand the cuteness!

Scotty is One. It's Amazing.

2010-03-04T17:28:00.004-07:00

We planned a kick-butt robot party for Scotty's birthday. He didn't notice much of it, but of course, loved the balloons and the cupcakes! We love Meesto Scotty-Man and have taken to calling him Scotty-bot in the last week. He is a darling one year old. He is trying so hard to walk and being mostly cute all the time.

Scott's Birthday Invitation

2010-03-04T17:26:00.003-07:00

This was the invitation I created for Scotty's family birthday party.

Violet sang as she walked and walked and walked. . .

2010-02-06T09:28:00.003-07:00

Violet is a sunbeam! She went to her first ever primary party and they learned about pioneers. From what I understand, they walked from room to room in the church building with each room having a different obstacle a pioneer would have to face ie. rain, snow, mud, etc. Violet needed a bonnet, so I made one. I kind of love it and want her to wear it all the time.

Snow White & Dopey

2010-02-06T09:19:00.003-07:00

So far, Violet has had very little interest in princesses. Grandma has a Snow White book though, and Violet likes it. She can name 5 of the 7 dwarves (sorry Grumpy and Bashful, you are forgettable). Violet's BFF/Cousin Emma had a beautiful princess party and Violet got to be Snow White. I got crafty and made Scotty a Dopey costume which he hated, of course, and only wore about 5 minutes. But hey, long enough for a picture and the costume didn't take me more than an hour to make.

My Boys

2010-01-19T15:47:00.002-07:00

Bowling

2010-01-19T15:33:00.003-07:00

Violet had her first experience bowling and she loved it. She loved how the ball would come right back to you through the machine. Thank heaven for the little bowling contraption. She could barely lift the lightest ball they had. She broke a 100 both games too.

Did I mention that Scotty had a great time too?

Violet's Birthday #2

2009-12-28T15:29:00.002-07:00

We had another birthday party for Violet with her cousins and family. Of course, it was Mickey Mouse themed. Here is the invitation:

I made a mickey mouse cake (yes, I made that!) I'm very proud of myself though it was so much harder than I thought!!! We had costco hot dogs (Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity-Dog) and I let Violet wear her minnie mouse costume from Halloween. She had lots of fun and we're so grateful for everyone who helped her feel special on her birthday.

Violet's Birthday

2009-12-28T15:25:00.002-07:00

I had a playdate with Violet's little friends for her birthday. They had pizza and cupcakes and Violet loved it. She is wearing a crown that her little school made for her. She didn't want to take it off all weekend.

Family Pics

2009-12-28T15:06:00.005-07:00

I am so glad we hired a professional photographer to shoot some family photos in Hawaii. These are the best of the best!

Hawaii

2009-12-28T14:58:00.003-07:00

We were so lucky to be able to go to Hawaii over Thanksgiving this year. We went to Kona on the big island and had plenty to see and do. We went to a luau on Thanksgiving Day and it was fun to have pig instead of Turkey! I missed the stuffing though. We realized pretty quickly that the kids enjoyed the pool much more than the beach! We pretty much camped out there. We went on a tour of the island and saw the black sand beaches and volcanoes. Zach and I also celebrated our 4th anniversary while we were there and decided to go parasailing!

A Preview

2009-12-15T16:27:00.003-07:00

More Hawaii pics to come . . .

Best Friends

2009-12-15T16:23:00.003-07:00

I couldn't be more thrilled about how well these two get along. Violet is a good big sister and Scotty adores her. I hope and pray that their relationship in the future will be as great as it is now.

SCOTT

2009-12-15T16:18:00.003-07:00

VIOLET

2009-12-15T16:14:00.002-07:00

Minnie & Mickey

2009-11-10T21:16:00.004-07:00

We were thrilled with Violet's decision to be Minnie this year. She originally chose to be Mickey and I had come to terms with it and then she switched and told us she wanted Scotty to be Mickey. Violet got to wear her costume several times this year. We had a friends party with our kids, a family party a few days before Halloween and then on Halloween as well. She also wore her costume to her preschool one day and performed in a Halloween Program. She was A-MAZ-ING!

Having two kids has only made it harder to get a good photograph of my children. But they still look pretty cute even without smiles on their faces. Oh my, I love these babies.

The Great Pumpkin

2009-10-17T20:32:00.004-06:00

We took the kids on a hayride to hand-pick a pumpkin from the patch.
We had a great time and Violet was very excited. On the other hand, this was tough work. It's a good thing we brought Aunt Hadda or we wouldn't have had enough hands to actually pick the pumpkins. What I learned . . . until my kids can actually carry their own pumpkin, we'll be buying ours from the store!

The hayride was great and even better . . . the apple cider donuts and pumpkin pie ice cream.

7 months old

2009-10-02T13:02:00.003-06:00

Here they are: both at around seven months old.

Looking through Violet's old pictures overwhelms me. The love is incredible. I can barely remember what our days were like when she was Scott's age and I can't begin to imagine what Scotty will be like when he's almost three like Violet. Being a parent really is an incredible experience.

So I'll always remember . . . I know Violet is almost exactly 7 months in this picture because she only learned to sit up the week before they were taken. Also, she got her first bottom teeth one week later. Scotty will be seven months tomorrow and still won't sit up by himself but already crawls. I predict Scotty has his first teeth within two weeks. He is showing all the signs.

Six Months of Scott

2009-09-02T11:21:00.008-06:00

Almost 6 months old

2 Months Old

1 Week Old

Aren't the first six months of life incredible? I can't believe the growth of a newborn into a baby. Scotty will be six months old tomorrow and he hardly resembles the newborn placed into my arms in the hospital.

Scott has been a fairly difficult baby, but we love him and want to keep him. He also has the best smile in the world. He chews on my cheeks and as I write this he is up on all fours trying to figure out how to crawl. He's a strong little thing. I love his little baby muscles. He adores Violet and will pretty much watch her all day. He is messy all the time. He spits and drools all over. I've stopped trying to control it. He has the cutest giggle and as you can tell he loves to chew on his feet.

New Photo

2009-08-31T15:37:00.001-06:00

Bath Time!

2009-08-27T20:02:00.005-06:00

Scotty is almost 6 months old and I felt it was time for brother/sister bath time. This is the first time because I honestly didn't feel like Violet would be gentle enough. She was great and they had fun. I had a somewhat emotional moment as I saw my naked babies and remembered where they came from. I can barely remember life without them.

AND MY FAVORITE:

Zach and Kamille: Vegas Vacation

2009-08-24T07:36:00.005-06:00

Zach and I went on a whirlwind trip. I needed to get away, but both of us felt we couldn't leave Scotty more than one night. We left early Saturday morning and came back late Sunday night. We did a lot in those 36 hours!

The Room (Never Stayed in a Nicer One):

The Food (No diets on Vacation):

The Entertainment (we see movies as much as we can when away from the kiddies):

(Other forms of Entertainment):

We had the greatest time. After taking a few pictures I realized I had forgotten to bring the memory card for the camera. Instead of just buying another one, we thought it would be fun to limit the pictures naturally since our camera only holds 8 pics. Anytime we wanted to take a picture, we would delete one first. We ended up with only great pictures.

I had a surprise waiting for Zach the morning we got there. I had made an appointment at the Bellagio spa for him to get a Royal Shave. He loved it. He was only mildly suspicious that something was going on when I told him not to shave for the trip because I liked his scruff!

What I love about Vacations:
1) I always get great insight about who I am and where I come from when I visit different places and meet new people.
2) I get yet another reminder of why I married Zach.
3) When I get back (even from a short one) I appreciate my kids even more.
4) Vacations (no matter the length) make me appreciate HOME.

Thanks to my moms (& dads) for taking care of my children. It would be impossible to have fun if it weren't completely obvious that my children were being taken care of and loved. You're the best.

Pink and Purple

2009-08-11T21:04:00.003-06:00

I live in what I think is one of the most beautiful houses! I LOVE it. We love it here. It is a wonderful home. Everything inside looks so clean and tidy. Nice rich brown hardwood floors, crisp white mouldings throughout . . . Do you know what I'm about to say? Oh how I wish I could paint every room in here pink. I know that's crazy, but I love pink. I found two rooms that aren't really pink at all, but may satisfy my urge for femininity. What does Zach think I wonder?

I especially love the purple room. So lush.

3 Things I Hate About You

2009-08-04T15:41:00.002-06:00

I knew I was committing a utah blogging crime when I let my husband Zach's birthday pass last week without writing a super-sweet homage to him! But just so everyone knows that my husband is the best, I will try to make up for it with this post. These are the things I truly hate about Zach. The list is very short, Here goes:

1) I hate that he is smarter than me.
2) I hate that he lets me get away with most everything and gives me anything I want.
3) I hate that he is so good at loving me.

Surely, I jest. Well, yes. I love him. He's the best in the world. He is my knight in shining armor and my best partner.

Happy 33rd Birthday Zach!

Zach and I both agree . . .

2009-07-27T17:22:00.004-06:00

It's time to take away Violet and Scotty's youtube privileges.

I Miss My Friends- Jana and Bridger Anderson (reposted)

2009-07-25T08:54:00.002-06:00

My two friends died on July 24th, 3 years ago. I'm still pretty sad about it. Yesterday, I read a blog post that I wrote on my first blog. I'm pretty sure nobody read it. I'm reposting it here, because every word of it is still true.

**********************
I’m pretty sure that only my husband Zachie will be reading this post, but I need to write it anyway and send it out to the world. I miss my friends. They died with their daughter last July and I still feel a hole in my life. Jana was one of my favorite people. She and I were like magnets attracting to each other at every get together. I always wanted to be around her. She was spunky and smart and loud and mean–and I loved every bit of it. That’s because when you were alone with her she was genuine, caring, sensitive, and just plain beautiful. Bridger has been one of my greatest friends over the past 18 years. When I say greatest friends, I mean that he was great at being my friend, because even though he was a guy’s guy, he had a real caring heart for me. I’ll never forget a time when I was struggling with something very secret and it was like he read my mind, knew everything about me deep down and just hugged me for several minutes. He didn’t have to say a word and I didn’t have to explain. That really sums up our relationship.

Though they weren't perfect individuals, Jana and Bridger were the perfect couple. They were two of the most influential people in my life and they left my life way too early. I miss them.

**********************

Scotty's Birth Announcement

2009-07-23T21:34:00.004-06:00

I still have a pile of birth announcements on my counter that should have been sent two months ago. Seriously, how hard is it to buy stamps! I am so lame. I promise to get them out soon. But so everyone can see my cute Scotty-Man. . .

My Pale, Pale, Skin

2009-07-20T19:53:00.004-06:00

I love to take the kiddies swimming and would love to go more often. Right now I feel overwhelmed taking both by myself so I wait until Zach can come. We love to go to the pool. Violet loves it and Scotty is a natural too.

A Conversation with Violet

2009-07-09T09:00:00.002-06:00

Violet cooked me a meal today in her kitchen. She brought me the plate and spoon.

Me: What did you make me?
Violet: Chicken, Mommy.
Me: What kind of chicken?
Violet: Pork.

PhotoBooth

2009-07-08T17:03:00.006-06:00

Today Violet and I played with Photobooth on my laptop. I'm so glad we did! I got Violet to make all sorts of funny faces. After she started to laugh hysterically, I turned on the video. Check it out.

Camping in U-Da-Ho

2009-07-05T12:25:00.008-06:00

A Private Trailer:

Dutch Oven Meals courtesy of Zach:

AMAZING Scenery:

A Beautiful Little Girl:

We even fished:

And most importantly, FAMILY:

Oh yeah, Scotty was there too:

Carnies . . . Small Hands . . .

2009-06-27T23:33:00.008-06:00

Summer has been so fun! I have to admit I am not a summer person and when I was young I hated carnivals. Carnivals are so much more fun with kids! We took Violet to the Strawberry Days carnival and to Lehi's Family Fun Day. We had strawberries and cream, of course. She got her face painted.

I put this video together of her on the rides. It was the most ridiculous fun to watch her go around in circles and yell her name each time she came around. It was a horribly boring video, so I put her favorite song in the background. She sings it all the time and knows all the words. This might be the type of video that only parents and grandparents enjoy, so if you don't make it all the way through that's okay. Fast forward to the end when Violet gets her face painted.

Violet at the Carnival from Zach Wily on Vimeo.

One More Smiley Pic

2009-06-18T15:05:00.003-06:00

Thanks Aunt Jen for this great pic of our boy.

Scotty so Serious

2009-06-15T14:51:00.005-06:00

This is the face of my little boy. . . Always so serious. Look at his furrowed brow and wrinkled forehead. Always so pensive. I love this little face. But I wanted to prove that there is another face, for all of those who have never seen it. Check it out.

Sorry the pics aren't very good.

Potty Training: Get "Jesus" Involved

2009-05-26T11:23:00.002-06:00

We are currently trying to teach Violet how to use the potty. She likes to sit on it, but won't do her business there. This morning Zach told Violet that if she went on the potty, he would take her to Chuck E' Cheeses. Now all day long she keeps telling me "I want to go talk to Jesus." At least that's what it sounds like to me. Get it "Chuck E' Cheeses" "Talk to Jesus." This girl is hilarious.

Awesome Home Stuff

2009-05-23T08:20:00.006-06:00

This is Heather.

Heather is a designer and she is currently selling a whole bunch of her stuff. I know a lot of the people who read my blog already know her and understand how cool her taste is. I wanted to help her out by posting her ads on my blog. Seriously, if you need stuff for your house, this is an excellent opportunity.

Animal Print Corner Bench

Shabby chic wall hanging

Antique Door

Vintage Iron Table Base

Antique Leather Suitcase

Stylish Purses

Shabby Chic rug

Black Valances

Accessories

Accessories

Antique Iron outdoor chairs

Antique Iron Shopping cart

Vintage Window with Etching

Large Painting of Chandelier

Shabby Chic White Chandelier

Bookshelves,Storage,Cabinet

Rolling Bar Cart

Black & Gold Chandelier

Chrome Light Fixture

Chrome Sconce

Mercury Glass Chandelier

Drum Chandelier

Sconces, Set of 3

Sconces, Set of 2

Leather Director's Chairs

Moroccan Mirrors

Herman Miller Side Tables

Chrome Lamps

Brown Ottoman

Console Cabinet

Super8 Camera

And BTW- Heather is currently living in a bungalow in Sugarhouse that she renovated. She is trying to sell it. Tell all the people you know. It is fantastic. Just look at the pictures.

Heather's Awesome House

Sometimes it goes a little too far . . .

2009-05-10T22:34:00.004-06:00

Violet is ALL GIRL! One of her favorite things is to play on the countertop of my bathroom. She gets into my makeup and puts it on. She also gets into all my product. I guess I left her unsupervised a little too long.

Is it wrong that I ran to grab the camera???

What's particularly funny about these pictures is that Violet wasn't hurt one bit yet she was hysterically crying. What I've noticed lately is that she'll cry before she gets in trouble when she knows I'm gonna be mad. I think she knows that she'll get out of time out if she cries! What a little smart manipulator.

New Pictures!

2009-05-10T22:16:00.005-06:00

So I've really been slacking when it comes to Scotty's Birth Announcements. I just haven't been able to do it yet! We finally got some pictures done for it and I'll be getting it done really soon. We heard about this photographer from my friend Haley and we really loved her. She was very patient with my fussy baby and we love the finished product. I don't want to post too many of Scotty because I haven't decided which ones to use for his announcements yet. You can find her at nuttallphotography.com.

Enjoy these pics.

Bumbo Babies

2009-04-19T11:38:00.003-06:00

Little Scotty is 6 weeks old. Look at him holding up that head!

My two year old fits in the bumbo with room to spare!

Easter 2009

2009-04-13T14:07:00.005-06:00

We had a great time this Easter with our two children! Scotty is getting bigger each day and looked so cute in his outfit. Violet, of course, is always a little doll. We are still trying to teach her to look at the camera, but she is very stubborn.

Violet was so cute picking up her eggs. She got the idea of the hunt and tried to get as many as possible. When the kids went inside to count their loot however, Violet was satisfied to only open one egg. She ate all the candy from it and was done. I guess we'll give her one egg a day and she'll keep the Easter excitement for a while.

This is Violet and her bff cousin Emma. Don't they look like little girls pretending to be grownups? Thanks Grandma Pam for the matching Easter jammies.

Twins!

2009-03-30T21:40:00.003-06:00

Can you tell which baby is Violet and which is Scotty? I can, but I can't believe the resemblance!

My Babies this Month

2009-03-30T21:26:00.006-06:00

Scotty is all Binkied Up!
Violet is so funny! She got a hold of my pump and wanted to do what mommy does. She calls the pumped milk "silly milk."

Violet's favorite coat is her kitty coat. She got her bangs trimmed and I thought she looked so cute. The hood of the coat is actually a mouse, but I called it a kitty at first and it stuck.

Scott and Kruz

2009-03-30T20:14:00.002-06:00

Here's a cute pic of the new best buddies and their mamas!!!

New Pics

2009-03-12T19:34:00.005-06:00

My photog Darla took some great pics of Scotty when he was just 4 days old. So cute!!! Please take notice of the dark fuzz on his back, arms, and ears. Scotty was good for a little while and then decided he was majorly DONE! He even pooped on Darla which she says is a peril of the job!!

BTW- You may be seeing one of these as his birth announcement--I'm not sure yet because I haven't seen all the pics.

More New Pictures

2009-03-08T14:37:00.005-06:00

Here are some more pictures. I can't believe we are a family of four!! It feels so great to be a family and to have Scott here.

So we came home from the hospital on Friday and everything is going so well! Nothing was ever wrong with Scotty. He has perfect x-rays, perfect bilirubin, and no infections despite the antibiotics he was receiving in the NICU. The day we came home the doctor said "Well we tried really hard to get this little guy sick, but he's just too strong and healthy!" My experience in the hospital wasn't what I expected, but it was really nice. I got a lot more rest than I planned on and felt very reassured that Scott was being monitored so closely.

The first pictures are the day we came home, then the pics of Violet holding Scotty for the first time. The last pic is of my two boys. I am so in love.

My Husband Could Beat Up Your Husband . . .

2009-03-07T16:39:00.002-07:00

I know that my husband is the best husband on Earth and I know it for a fact. Why, you ask? Because he can stand being married to me. I'm tough to live with I know, because I can barely be around myself. This truth is multiplied by 100 too when I'm pregnant and now he's dealt with my pregnancies twice. He is the best.

He is the best partner I could ever ask for.

He loves me so well, nobody could do it better.

He is the best daddy on the planet.

I am so in love with him and it just keeps getting better and better.

There is nobody I'd rather spend my time with and nobody I'd rather share my children with.

I love you Zach.

I think he looks just like Violet . . .

2009-03-04T12:25:00.002-07:00

VIOLET

SCOTTY

My Wish Has Come True!

2009-03-04T12:06:00.004-07:00

He's here. Scott was born on March 3rd at 1:44 in the afternoon. He weighs 6 lbs. 11 oz. and is 18" long. We are obsessed with him already. Enjoy these pics.

Sadly Scotty is spending a little while in the NICU while the doctors administer some antibiotics for a possible infection. In case you're interested, there was some meconium in the amniotic fluid when the doctor broke my water and its possible that is connected to the fact that he moans a little bit and just looks as though he doesn't feel well. We're assured though that he is the healthiest baby in there and is doing very well and should be coming home on time with us this weekend.

BTW- I feel humbled that Scotty was born on my good friend Bridger's birthday. We miss you Bridger.

Pregnant Pic

2009-02-20T11:17:00.002-07:00

I am a mess!!! I am so uncomfortable and miserable. Violet keeps my spirits up a great deal, but also makes me move a lot more than I want to right now. I feel like this kid is trying to kick and punch his way out of me. If I get through the next 2 1/2 weeks, it will be a miracle. Come baby Scott, come now!

Happy Valentine's Gift for Readers . . .

2009-02-14T21:57:00.002-07:00

My friend Andrea is so stylish and talented, I was so happy to be the first to respond to this post in her blog. It sounds like a fun idea, so, of course, I'm reposting it here and the same deal goes for you . . . Leave a comment, hurry hurry.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It'll be done this year.
4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be photography or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may sew or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your own blog and offer the same deal to 5 of your own luck blog readers. So, the first 5 people to leave a comment telling me they are in win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!

MakeMeBabies.com

2009-02-03T12:19:00.003-07:00

I made some babies at this website by uploading both my face and Zach's face. This is what they think our children will look like. First, Scotty:

Of course, he'll probably need glasses too!

This is their guess for Violet:

How do you think it compares?

New Due Date

2009-02-03T11:59:00.002-07:00

Today's OB appointment went really well. Everything looks perfect. Baby Scott is measuring a little big, but hey Zach weighed 10 1/2 pounds at birth so that is to be expected. The doctor scheduled my c-section for March 11th! That sounds like a good birthday. That is 6 days early, so I changed my ticker to the right to show the new due date. I think Scotty might come a little bit earlier than that, what do you guys think? I'm so ready to be done.

Uh, Oh. SpaghettiO's.

2009-01-25T13:01:00.002-07:00

Violet loves SpaghettiO's. She is usually a very distracted eater and will usually want to get down before she has filled up her tummy. But with SpaghettiO's, she usually eats 3 helpings! I like that about SpaghettiO's.

Here is what I hate about SpaghettiO's. I know I used to eat them as a kid and every time I warm them up in the microwave, they smell delicious. I am always deceived--I will take a bite. They are absolutely disgusting. Blah! Why do I get fooled everytime? I think that's what they mean with their musical tagline: "Uh, Oh. SpaghettiO's."

Christmas and Birthday

2009-01-06T13:32:00.005-07:00

We had a great holiday season this year. Violet got way too many toys this month because her birthday is just 6 days before Christmas. We had a great family birthday party for her at our new house. It was Under the Sea with Nemo themed and she loved it. Here are a few pics of her party and some pics of the Kane Family at Temple Square. Violet loved the "pwetty wights." The last pic is of her on Christmas Morning sitting on her new bike from Grandma and Grandpa. She loves her panda ear muffs from Aunt Paige.

Violet is Two!

2008-12-18T22:11:00.003-07:00

I'm laying in bed, getting ready to go to sleep, and I can't stop thinking how my baby is 2!! In so many ways, she's still a baby, but for the most part she is all little girl!

Her favorites:

Mommy's purse
Lipsticks of all varieties (which she calls chatstick)
Climbing up on everything, she always wants to be higher
Upside Down with Daddy
Nummy Drink (which is a strawberry cream slush from sonic) (she totally takes after Aunt Hadda)
PINK!
"New House"
She loves her grandmas and all of her extended family!
She loves things that are "so cute"
Singing songs (she knows the words to about ten songs!)

I love her so much! Even though I'm pregnant, tired, and mental, I still miss her when she's gone or I am. She's my little best friend and I can't remember what life was like without her.

Violet and Isaac

2008-11-18T21:26:00.001-07:00

This is the cutest video of my girl and her best friend. Turn your head (or your computer) sideways for the best view. We miss Isaac already and hope to see him really soon.

Choosing a Middle Name

2008-11-04T15:42:00.003-07:00

I went to the doctor for my 20 week ultrasound last week and he confirmed it to be a boy! I still can't believe it. Zach's middle name is Scott and I've always liked that name so it was natural for us to choose and agree on it. I feel relieved to have a name chosen so early this time, we finally decided on Violet in the hospital. But I'm struggling choosing a middle name and Zach doesn't seem to have any opinions as of yet. Here is a quick list of names I'm considering.

Nicholas- Violet's middle name is Noelle which was to be my name as I was due on December 18th. If I was a boy, I was going to be Nicholas. I think it would be nice if their middle names were connected. BTW, I was born January 2nd, so my mom didn't think Noelle fit anymore.

Cougar- I like Cougar because it's kind of tough sounding and modern. Cougar would kind of be an homage to Zach's BYU heritage as a super fan and alumnus.

Oliver is just a name I like.

Cooper is Zach's grandmother's maiden name.

Tell me what you think.

We're Moving!

2008-10-14T12:56:00.008-06:00

We're moving. The house we're moving to is on the border of Lehi and Highland, but thankfully in Lehi. Go Pioneers! I know it's crazy fast. Two weeks ago we weren't moving or even really seriously considering it and then a week ago we saw the house and put in an offer and now we are moving on November 1st. We just really love, love, love the new house. Here are some pics Zach took of the inside. Follow the link to flicker . . .

I don't have any great pics of the outside, but if you follow this link you should be able to see an image of it on google maps.

Now that it's a done deal, I'm considering all the sad things about moving. I am going to miss Apple Grove. Zach has been here almost 6 years and I've been here now for 3 years. I love my neighbors and our ward. I'm going to miss everyone a lot. I wish I could transport my neighbors to our new neighborhood.

This is what really breaks my heart about moving though:

Violet's best friend Isaac and mommy Rachel. We love them and it's gonna be hard to live farther away.

All in all, I feel really grateful. For Zach. He is the best; he takes the best care of me and Violet and he just rocks at everything. He is the best part of my life. Love you Zach. I'm looking forward to new adventures with you.

Hope for Mothers

2008-09-23T11:28:00.004-06:00

I have struggled with anxiety attacks since I was eight years old. I learned to talk about it and talk it through at a young age and because of this I have never hidden my true feelings on the subject and have always wanted to share my experiences with others. I am not ashamed of my various mental disorders because I know where they come from and how to deal the best I can. I also know what I have learned and who I have become thanks to my adversity. Anxiety attacks and occasional bouts of depression have certainly been my life's Goliath. (BTW, it is so common to struggle with both anxiety and depression at the same time, so many people think they're opposites, when in fact, they're evil twin sisters.)

I consider myself a woman of great faith. I have a knowledge and testimony of our Father's Plan of Happiness and yet it would appear that I am absolutely plagued and paralyzed by fear (which is the opposite of faith) and I can never get a hold of happiness because of my life-long struggle with depression. Why is this? What I have learned in 25 years is that the above statement is a fallacy. It appears to be truth, especially to those who have never struggled with anxiety or depression before. But for those of us who have struggled, I can say unequivocally that depression is not a synonym for unhappiness and anxiety is not necessarily a synonym for the type of fear that would be the opposite of faith. What I just wrote may be confusing, but let me explain.

I learned these things since becoming a mother. Most everyone knows that postpartum depression can affect 10-15% of women, but I was shocked and surprised to learn that 10-15% of women struggle with prenatal depression, meaning depression while pregnant. Well, I want to say that I have never been crazier than I have been during my two pregnancies and one of those pregnancies I am still enduring right now. The feelings and thoughts I experience during my pregnancies are difficult to verbalize, but the intense fear and complete hopelessness are very real to me. I know consciously that my fears are irrational, but that doesn't mean the effects aren't real. I know it's hard to believe, but even as I'm stuck in the depths of hell, I can't honestly say that I'm unhappy. I have never experienced the joy and happiness that I experience now as a mother. The ability to bring life into this world is an incredible gift and though I'm tortured and anguished the entire nine months of growing life inside of me, the happiness and joy (once it's over) pervades my entire being.

So here is what I want to say. I know of nothing that is harder than pregnancy and motherhood. (After contemplating this, I must say that it is possible that losing an immediate family member and struggling with a terminal illness, neither of which I've experienced, could very possibly be harder.) A woman's work on this earth is incredibly difficult. It's difficult on our bodies and difficult on our minds and yet the work is the most rewarding and fulfilling experience I could ever imagine. In order for a woman to become a mother, I can only think of 3 qualities that she must possess: courage, courage, and courage. There are so many women who struggle with anxiety and depression during these child-rearing years and never before and probably not much after. I can't imagine how scary the feelings would be to a woman who has never experienced it before; you are not alone. Mental illness is pervasive during a woman's early to late twenties and why is that?? My opinions are just my opinions but I want to share them here in the form of the most common fears I experience during pregnancy. They may be exclusive to me or maybe you'll find a little bit of yourself in them.

1) Many women are fearful during pregnancy and never experience it at any other time in their life. Though they may not realize it, I think there is a very real fear about bringing a beautiful pure newborn baby into this evil world. I don't believe that this world is completely evil, there is so much beauty here too, but I'm never more astute to the problems of society, the worldliness, power-hungry, gain seeking men and women, than when I am carrying a child in my womb. I think most women realize deep down that there is more to having children than picking baby names and buying strollers.

2) I fear failure. There are so many times while pregnant that I don't feel capable of being a mother and I do not want to ruin my children. Thankfully, the love that sets in once you have the child takes over and you become a caretaker. It's not necessarily easy all of a sudden or even natural, but the desire to take care of your child is. Also, it's kind of already too late for me to turn back, so if I quit now I will fail.

3) A lot of people underestimate this one, but I don't. It's hard to understand, but the thoughts in your brain are a result of a chemical and hormonal imbalance. Deal with it. During pregnancy there is a lot of hesitation in the medical world to start handing out prescriptions. I understand this and each woman needs to decide for herself what she needs and what she doesn't. In my case, I need the Lexapro. I can't live without it.

4) Lastly I want to tell you about a more personal fear I've been living with. During a woman's pregnancy, her body is creating life which is as close to Godliness as one can get on this Earth. I think Heavenly Father protects pregnant women. There are times when I feel encircled about by his arms and carried from day to day. This should be comforting, but for some reason I feel uncomfortable there. I compare this to the greek myth Icarus. Icarus was the one whose father made him wings out of wax and warned him that while flying he shouldn't get too close to the sun. Well Icarus is thrilled by the feelings of flights and rises higher and higher until he is too close to the sun. His wings melt and he falls into the sea. Sometimes I guess I feel like Icarus. I am very close to my Father in Heaven during these most challenging times and yet I feel like my wings are melting. Does anyone know what I mean? Maybe it's inadequacy or unworthiness, but part of purifying yourself is learning how the atonement applies in your life and actually using it. That's what I'm learning to do. I'm learning for the first time how to live in the love of my Heavenly Father.

Thanks for reading this extraordinarily long post. My life is an open book, if you have questions ask. Also, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and many of my viewpoints in this post reflect that, though nothing I've said is in anyway doctrine of the church.

Ultrasound. . . It's a Boy!

2008-09-23T11:00:00.003-06:00

I honestly can't believe it. I was convinced I was having another girl, but not so. I broke down this past week and went to Fetal Fotos at the mall so that I could get a picture of my baby. The days are so much easier when I have an actual picture, when it seems to be more real. Anyway, here are the pics. The last pic is the proof of boy. Honestly, it's not much so I'm interested if you can spot it, but I think the ultrasound technician is right when he said there is really nothing else that that nub can actually be!

Pregnant with #2

2008-09-09T10:56:00.002-06:00

I just want to go on the record with what most of you already know. I'm pregnant with Baby #2 and s/he is due March 17th. I am officially 1/3 of the way there. I'm really sick and mental, but I'll post more on that later. Zach and I are excited though and Violet will be the best big sister. Life is pretty good and having children is an amazing experience.

I think it's Time to Potty Train . . .

2008-09-09T10:54:00.004-06:00

Violet wants to too.

The Fourth of July

2008-09-09T10:33:00.005-06:00

We had a very fun Fourth this year. I can't believe how much Violet enjoyed the Provo Parade. I hate parades and I thought she might follow my lead, but no way, she loved every minute of it. You might recognize her top in the picture, she wore it as a dress last year on the Fourth.

For lunch, we went to Ruth's Diner up Emigration Canyon with Heather and some other friends. It was so yummy. We sat out on the patio and there was live music. It was great.

Of course, in the evening we had cul-de-sac of fire. It is the most fun neighborhood tradition and I just love my neighbors. Violet loved to watch the fireworks in her jammies and then go to bed.